Archive for the ‘etiquette’ Category
Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
Dear Gabby,
I recently moved to Denver from a small town, where a couple invites close friends and family, not friend+date. Here, it is different. People who attend weddings are assumed to need the security of a partner in order to comfortably celebrate the event. And this person is often a stranger to the bride and groom. My fiancee and I just got engaged but are in a disagreement about this - I do NOT want strangers at my wedding, and he is perfectly okay with it. I consider a wedding as something intimate and private and also very special. How can I get around this trend without seeming rude?
Sincerely, Frustrated Bride
Dear Frustrated Bride,
I understand the desire to keep such a special day close to your heart (and family/friend circle!) My general suggestion is to ask yourself if you know the surname of the individual that your guest wants to bring as a date. If the pair have been dating and you have formed a relationship with the other person, it would be considerate to invite them on behalf of your guest. However, guests who are reading this should never assume that a wedding invitation addressed to you as an individual is actually a ticket-for-two unless specifically spelled out that way. Lastly, for any guests who inquire about bringing an unknown date, you may say “We are only inviting people we know to the wedding, but would love to meet her another time…” Sincere. To the point.
Tags: Colorado destination wedding, Colorado destination wedding planner, Colorado wedding planner, Denver Colorado wedding planners, denver wedding planner, denver wedding planners, Denver weddings, Gabby, wedding day coordinator Denver, wedding planning tips
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Monday, June 28th, 2010
Brides and grooms often find themselves, during the planning of their own wedding and the attending of friends’ weddings, in a limbo between the traditions of etiquette and the customs of today’s modern society. Well ladies and gentlemen, I am here to solve your etiquette riddles and answer your questions on good taste and manners!
Do you think it is appropriate to have a full or partial cash bar at a wedding reception? Some coworkers and I were wondering whether it would be rude to ask your guests to pay for a drink, or whether today’s economy warrants such actions.
Sincerely, Cash-Strapped Bride
Dear Cash-Strapped Bride,
This is a an etiquette no-no. You must always remember that you are, in essence, throwing a party and inviting guests who are not obligated to attend. Their very presence honors you and your spouse and the celebration of your love. Some other cash-saving alternatives are to limit the alcohol options, such as serving beer and wine only. If you must turn the bar into a cash bar, be sure to make that change happen late in the evening, after cocktails and dinner service, where it will not affect the bulk of your guests. I promise you, they will be much happier to drink only water than to be hit up to cover the tab for your wedding.
Please submit your questions to the blog or email them to me directly at gabby@savethedateevents.com and I will answer them in this ongoing etiquette Q&A series.
Tags: bar etiquette for weddings, cash bar at wedding, Gabby, open bar at wedding, wedding alcohol, wedding bar, wedding etiquette
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Monday, November 23rd, 2009
Q: Whose name/initial goes first?
A: The bride’s name is first. The woman’s name/initial always comes first on a monogram because the man’s first name/initial should never be separated from his last name/initial.
Q: When can we start using our married monogram?
A: Follow these simple rules:
Before the wedding ceremony: It is not appropriate to use your married monogram before you’re actually married. So that means using a monogram with your new last name or initial on save-the-dates, invitations, thank you notes, etc. is taboo. Instead, use a monogram that has just your first initials or first names.
During the wedding ceremony: This is still a gray area for some, but I say if you want to use your married monogram, go for it. The wedding ceremony is a perfect time to begin using your new monogram on anything from aisle runners, unity candles, programs, etc.
After the wedding ceremony: Use your married monogram on anything you wish. The reception is a complete green light to display your new married monogram proudly whether it is on the table runner, menus, cake or on the dance floor.
Tags: Denver event planning, professional wedding consultant in Denver, wedding day coordinator Denver, wedding planner in Boulder
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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
1. How much is the wedding reception costing you?
2. Can you make sure not to set your date for [insert date here] — I have a vacation already planned!
3. What table am I sitting at?
4. Why didn’t you invite [insert name here]?
5. Is this really a “white wedding”?
6. How many carats is that ring anyway?
7. Who’s your favorite bridesmaid?
8. Did you get that idea from my wedding?
9. Are you paying for any of this?
10. Don’t you think the six-tiered wedding cake is a bit much?
Thanks to the Knot for this entertaining post.
Tags: denver wedding planner, event planner in Denver
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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
Colorado wedding couples who are getting married for the second time have to consider details that first-timers do not. Here are a few Q&A tips for second (or third) weddings:
1. Can the bride wear white again? Absolutely. The wedding is all about what the bride and groom want. There are no set etiquette rules for what the bride wears for her second wedding.
2. Should the ex-spouse be notified? Yes, it is common courtesy to let him or her know as soon as possible, especially if children are involved.
3. Is it okay to register for gifts? Yes. Every new marriage represents a fresh start and guests will want to give the couple a proper gift.
4. Should children be involved in the wedding planning process? Yes, if possible. Involving the children will allow them a chance to speak up about aspects of the ceremony or reception that may make them feel uncomfortable. It also allows them to warm up to the situation over time.
Tags: Aspen wedding planner, Colorado wedding blog, Denver wedding advice, Vail wedding coordinator
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Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
Here are 5 tips on how to deal with a drunk wedding guest:
1. You always can’t control how your guests act, but you can control how you react to the situation. Keep your composure and have a sense of humor.
2. Ask your planner or venue coordinator to move the guest away from the celebration and other guests.
3. Take the inebriated guest’s car keys.
4. Have someone sober get the guest a cab to go home or back to a hotel. As a planner, I have done this a few times before the bride and groom had to worry about it.
5. Secretly ask the bartender to stop adding alcohol to his or her drinks.
Debbie Orwat, Colorado Wedding Planner
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Friday, May 15th, 2009
This is exactly what you DON’T want to happen. The bride is escorting both of her parents down the aisle instead of the parents escorting her. The dad and the mom both take the bride’s arm in this photo.
Some brides choose to have both their mother and father escort her down the aisle which is perfectly acceptable. Considering the fact that many women are not accustomed to taking the arm of even one escort, having two can be challenging when you are trying to be elegant and hold your bouquet. The proper way to have both your mother and father escort you is this:
Take your father’s arm like you normally would but have your mother walk beside you. She can either have her arm on your back or at her side. You will still hold your bouquet in your free hand.
Debbie Orwat, Colorado Wedding Planner
Save the Date Events
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Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
6. Waiting to Give a Gift - Contrary to popular belief, guests do not have a year to send a gift.
7. RSVP - RSVP does not mean you only respond if you can’t make it. It does not mean that you assume the bride knows you are coming. It should be mailed back promptly, preferably long before the date indicated on the card.
8. Toasts - Do not embarrass the bride or groom with inappropriate comments during a toast.
9. Getting Drunk - Don’t drink too much. You are there to celebrate with the newlyweds, not embarrass yourself and them.
10. Dressing Inappropriately - If the ceremony will be held in a church, guests may not be able to wear sundresses, short skirts, shorts, and other revealing or casual attire, including baseball caps. Do not wear caps, jeans, or shorts to any wedding except a very informal outdoor gathering.
Debbie Orwat & Gabby Cavalli
Save the Date Events
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Monday, April 20th, 2009
We’ve already covered what the bride and groom shouldn’t do. Here are the top faux pas created by wedding guests.
1. Bringing Your Kids - If the invitation is addressed to Mr. and Mrs., your children are not invited.
2. Arriving Late - Take into account extra time for traffic snarls, bad directions and last minute runs to the convenience store. If you plan to arrive 15 minutes early, you’ll most likely just make it. No one should walk down the aisle after the bride. If you arrive late, try to slip in quietly down a side aisle.
3. Not Giving a Gift - Sending a gift indicates your support and best wishes for the happy couple who are starting their lives together. Even if you can’t attend, send a gift.
4. Your Ringing Cell Phone - It’s the height of rudeness to allow a personal call to interrupt any part of the wedding day.
5. Rearranging Seating - As a guest, do not move place cards or rearrange the seating chart.
Come back on Wednesday for part two or subscribe here in a reader.
Debbie Orwat & Gabby Cavalli
Colorado Wedding Planners, Save the Date Events
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Friday, April 17th, 2009
6. Stranded Dates - Don’t create a painful experience for your attendants’ dates. Seat dates together with the wedding party at the reception.
7. Wedding Party Expenses - There is the cost of bridesmaid dresses, travel costs, shower expenses, bachelorette party and multiple gifts. That can add up to a small fortune. Keep those expenses in mind when planning.
8. Pre-Party Invite Only - Inviting guests to pre-wedding events where a gift is required (i.e. bridal shower or engagement party) and then not inviting them to the actual wedding is a big no-no.
9. Stranded Guests - If your wedding reception and ceremony locations are far apart or far from accommodations, you should provide guest transportation.
10. Using Your Monogram Before Your Ceremony - Technically, you aren’t married until after the ceremony. Using a monogram with your married last name initial shouldn’t be used on invitations, save the dates or ceremony programs.
Debbie Orwat & Gabby Cavalli
Colorado Wedding Planners, Save the Date Events
Posted in Gabby, bridal party, etiquette, planning | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
1. Cash Bars - We realize this is sometimes unavoidable due to budget contraints however, skipping the limo or live band is much better than having your guests pay for their own drinks at your party.
2. Long Wait Time Between Ceremony and Reception - Long pauses between the ceremony and reception are generally very hard on guests. If you cannot book the reception venue immediately following the ceremony, arrange for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres at another location.
3. Registry Information On Your Invitations - Do we have to elaborate? It is completely unacceptable to mention anything about gifts or registries in your wedding invitation or enclosures.
4. Money Dance - Your wedding night is not the opportunity to ask your guests to spend more money on you. They have already traveled, bought a new outfit, and gave you a wedding gift.
5. Thank You Notes - You must send handwritten thank-you notes
On Friday, we’ll post the last five!
Debbie Orwat & Gabby Cavalli
Colorado Wedding Planners, Save the Date Events
Posted in Gabby, bridal party, budget, etiquette, planning | 1 Comment »
Monday, March 30th, 2009
The final issue with invitations and etiquette concerns guests who do not RSVP. Do you assume they are not coming? Do you decide your invitation was lost in the mail and resend it?
The quickest and best way to resolve this is to call all non-replies over the phone and confirm their RSVP. Family members can assist with this. The only persons who don’t need to reply are your parents and future in-laws – in fact, they do not require an invitation at all but can be sent one as a keepsake.
This concludes our series on wedding etiquette. You can find all the posts here.
Gabby Cavalli, Colorado Wedding Planner
Save the Date Events
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Monday, March 23rd, 2009
You are not required to open your gifts at the wedding. Most couples open them as they arrive in the mail, or wait until after the wedding to do so. The only absolute must is a thank-you note – this should be sent out promptly as each gift is received. It is very important to the people who have sent the gift – not only will it tell them that you enjoy it and are grateful that they were thinking of you, but more importantly it will reassure them that you received it in the first place. If a thank-you note is not received, often people will wonder if their package was lost during shipment.
You should strive to write each note with the person to whom you are sending it in mind. It will go a long way to tell them that you loved the cast-iron pan they sent you, and that the first thing you will cook in it will be your husband’s favorite recipe. Never, ever send a pre-printed thank you card unless you plan on writing a special note to each person in addition.
Be sure to send thank you notes to friends and family who organize any showers or parties in your honor. It is appropriate to send them both a thank you note for the gift you received from them as well as a note to thank them for offering their home and/or time in creating such a special event.
We have one final post next Monday in our wedding etiquette series. We will discuss how to deal with guests who don’t RSVP. You can read part one, part two and part three of our blog etiquette series here.
Gabby Cavalli, Colorado Wedding Planner
Save the Date Events
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Monday, March 16th, 2009
Informing guests about your registry and gift choices is always a sticky subject. It is improper etiquette to mention gifts at all on the wedding invitation or on any invitation inserts. It is traditionally the duty of your friends and family to pass along the information to anyone who inquires. It is acceptable to include registry information in your bridal shower invitations which will be sent by the shower’s hostess.
In this day and age, it is common for couples to create wedding websites with all the details about their wedding weekend. It has become acceptable to include your registry information on the wedding website.
If you missed the first two parts of our etiquette series, you can read part one here and part two here. Stay tuned for gift opening and thank-you note etiquette.
Gabby Cavalli, Colorado Wedding Planner
Save the Date Events
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Monday, March 9th, 2009
We started our etiquette series last week with invitations. Today, we will continue to talk about invitation etiquette and cover the topic of adults-only weddings. You can
read part one of the etiquette series here.If you are not having children at your wedding, you have a couple of options:
*Make sure to leave children’s names off the envelopes when addressing your invitations
*Have your family and friends help spread the word that the wedding will be adults-only
*Subtly mention it on your wedding website
Please remember that “no children” means no children of any guest unless the child is in the wedding party. Parents may feel slighted when they realize that other children were allowed but their children were not invited.
What happens if a guest shows up with a child? Let it go. Your planner and caterer will take care of seating and feeding the child. You don’t want to get caught up in any negativity on your wedding day.
Gabby Cavalli, Colorado Wedding Planner
Save the Date Events
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Monday, March 2nd, 2009
Invitations
As a bride, one of the first things on your “to-do” list will be save-the-date cards and invitations. Both will help to set the theme of your wedding. Some things to consider before ordering save-the-date cards and invitations include: How far ahead of time do save-the-date cards go out? Do you want children at your wedding? How do you inform guests where you are registered?
Here are a few pointers for the invite-confused:
Save-the-date cards can be sent six months to a year advance. For destination weddings in particular, the more time you give your guests to plan, the more likely it is that they will be able to attend. Wording should be simple, covering the main points: the names of the bride and groom, the date and the location. Save-the-date cards should match your invitation style or wedding colors to keep the wedding theme consistent.
In the second part of this series, we will discuss invitation etiquette issues for adults-only weddings. You can subscribe to our blog here so you don’t miss out.
Gabby Cavalli, Colorado Wedding Planner
Save the Date Events
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